Maybe I noticed this because I think that everyone else lives in their memories of the 90s, like me. But I came across this book cover & I get the nagging feeling that the cover artist watched a lot of The Pretender. Because this certainly looks like Ryan Merriman, who played Young Jared. Or some scary VR replica. Brrr, the uncanny valley is unforgiving.
- the sun burning defiantly, though briefly, at sunset
- longing for soft fringy scarves
- squirrels set loose on the roof at early morning
- the growing music of tracks through the leaves
- shuffle-songs in the key of boots, heavy shoes, & skidding leaves on concrete
- flannel robes taking up residence on the bed
- cat taking up residence on top of robes on the bed
- L.L. Bean shirts suddenly attractive & necessary
- forgetting to make timely hair appointments, hoping the months’ growth will cover my neck
- the physical struggle to move, to stretch into the cold world
- leaving the house in the dark & returning home in the dark
- mourning for the missing light
- religiously taking vitamins & supplements to counteract the mope
- becoming transfixed & powerless by the smallest grimy surface or untidy pile of clothes
- just staring & thinking its too hard; its all too much to deal with
- forcing my legs to uncurl & walk, forcing my eyes onto the next project
- countless glasses of water to stave off the craving for alcohol’s easy warmth
- turning my face into my hair to catch the small of smoke
- watching rain puddles become fine glass in the cold dusk
- dreaming of fish floating deep beneath pond ice
Equals compulsively buying stuffed tigers.
Please don’t tell me this isn’t Hobbes the Tiger. I was shopping for a baby shower and the hormones were running so high, that I took one look at our tiger here and immediately put him in the cart.
I thought, I don’t have kids. But I will one day! Because I either want to relive my childhood by proxy or I want psychotic, hyperactive kids.
I need to go cry now.