How do you answer an existential question in your plot that you haven’t answered for yourself?
I’m doing some basic outlining on a story & have found the root of my conflict. I’m working through the characters’ reasoning. But then I hit a point where I’m thinking, “Wait, is that really the answer? Is that the right answer? Is that the answer I’m committing to? Is that what I really think? That’s what this struggle is & I’m going to try to sum it up in this way?”
If this was nonfiction, I would feel much more comfortable showing these insecurities, because the nonfiction I love the most touches on uncertainties in subtle, interesting ways & I want to emulate that. But with this fictional piece, containing things I’ve thought about & carried around with me since I was a kid. . . I feel much more uncertain, unprepared, like, at nearly 37 I should have all these answers by now. That some things shouldn’t still haunt me at this age, although I logically know better.
I really just need to finish this story so I can stop carrying it around & worrying over it. This is not some great cultural epic—hell, it probably won’t make it into the world much past my friends. Oy.