A new post after a bit of a delay. The past few weeks have been filled & not just with holiday preparations! My sister Kirsten had her baby right before Christmas. I am an aunt!
There are few experiences like the arrival of a new baby. The day Emma was born, I stood outside the nursery & cried for 10 minutes straight, just staring at her. (& I’m not even her mom!) I couldn’t believe that this new person was right in front of me & I was a part of her life. Actually, that statement is probably just the tip of the iceberg of my feelings then.
Quite a few of my friends & co-workers have been teasing me about when I’ll have a child. Before I met Emma in person, I probably would have been uncertain of my answer. I want to have a child, but as someone prone to paralyzing bouts of anxiety, I obsess over whether that’s the right choice to make. I think about the state of the world, the mess of my complicated family, the intentions behind my choices & inactions. . . basically over everything I do or don’t think, feel or act upon. (How terribly unique of me, I know.)
But with Emma’s arrival, something clicked. I don’t know that I could say (very well) what. But if I can spend a solid hour happily watching the expressions on her face while she sleeps, it’s not hard to understand why so many of my unhappy thoughts seem to fade away. There’s someone else to consider now.