or something like that.
I didn’t post last week because things have gotten pretty hectic lately. First, it’s been a full month: my birthday, my wedding anniversary, parties, trips to Mt. Pony (The Wolf-Man, Seven Samurai & Jaws, whew!). Secondly, job-wise, I’ve been promoted & the original training deadline of a month has been compressed into 2 weeks. To say it’s been exhausting is an understatement; every afternoon I come home, I’m out cold for a good hour, hour-and-a-half easy. Part of me knows its my body’s attempt to recharge the batteries; part of me worries if I should get my thyroid checked.
This past month has been a whirlwind of activity akin to my last action-packed semester at Mary Wash. The habit of filling my every hour with something, anything, has carried through these past few weeks. However, I’m starting to realize that while in college, there was always some distant definitive goal: exams, degree requirements, graduation. Now, I don’t really have anything concrete I’m working toward & I feel a little lost. I have a ton of projects that have little continuity to them, like The Summer of Drew or planning new procedures for work, or doing reviews. They all absorb my attention while I pretend to figure out what comes next.
If there is one thing that has stayed with me since my time at Mary Wash, it is the realization that any kind of happiness I need must have a connection to some larger community. As much as I struggle to feel comfortable around people, I still need them. I think of Dostoevsky works & how his characters only become more defined through their interactions with others. I think of Yggdrasill, the Tree of the World in Norse myth, which constantly sustained & wounded by the creatures around it. Breakage encourages endurance.
So, where does that leave me? It’s all well & good to have this in mind, but what is the next step? Where do I connect with the world? & do I have the courage to commit myself to the choice?